...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
