whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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