$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
