Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
