At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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