I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
