if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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