holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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