saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
whose parrot is this?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
