OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
