He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
