I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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