yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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