White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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