The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
