Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
