his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
