you guys were way drunker than both of me
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
