I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
