I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
