I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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