Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
