I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
