We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
