Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
soo... how was my night?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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