Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
