Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
