Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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