I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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