Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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