omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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