chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
