I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
