I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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