Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
A+ Viking dick
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize