Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
