So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
