he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
