Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
