i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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