After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Holy sore nipples Batman
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize