I cut my penus on the lid.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
