I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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