return my video game
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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