Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
