My liver just broke up with me...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize