we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
