and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize