VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
