I puked a lego.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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