I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
