My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize