dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
