i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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