Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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