their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
