I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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