You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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