Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
