It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
