can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
