i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
