I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
