At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
