Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
