Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
