where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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