Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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