some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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