I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
