new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
