I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I want a musical about memes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
