Its about making memories worth repressing
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
