Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize