I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
