just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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