No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
