Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
