He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
