and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
