shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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