i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
