had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
