This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
