Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
