I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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