you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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